Love Is
by kaytimichelle
Summary: Can Derek prove to Meredith how much he loves her?
1. It's You And Me

**Author's Notes: This is pre-finale. It's what I wrote during that week and a half that my computer was broken, and I started it before the finale... therefore, this one goes off of the ep that I believe was the one before the finale. Also, for the sake of my fic, George never slept with Meredith, therefore Callie isn't in the picture because I don't like her much.**

**Oh and I don't own anything. Shonda has all the credit since she's amazing. I just use the characters to write fics to entertain myself when I'm bored.**

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"But Meredith—" 

"What Derek? What the hell do you want?"

"Mer—"

"Don't you dare call me that."

"Meredith!"

"_What_?"

"I still love you."

It _almost _took her by surprise. _Almost_. In fact, there was a pause, an intake of breath, a moment of shock after he said it.

"You know what? I thought I still loved you too. I really thought I did. But love used to be breakfast in bed with the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Love was ferryboats, Derek. But now, now I don't know what it is. And neither do you."

Tears were threatening to fall from her eyes, but she refused to cry in front of him again.

"Meredith—"

"No, Derek—"

"Mer—"

"No! Dammit, Derek. You say Meredith and I yell, remember?"

To this he said nothing, he just looked at her, his eye desperately trying to find something in hers, one little sign that she didn't mean what she was saying.

"Stop trying to win me back or whatever it is that you're trying to do. Your wife left you. And now, only now that she's gone are you picking me, choosing me, loving me."

"No, Mer, you don't understand."

"No, _you_ don't understand. You called me a _whore._ You took my _dog_.—"

"I did not, you—"

"Okay, you didn't take the dog, I gave you the dog, but—"

He took a step closer to her so he was right in front of her.

"But what?"

"But—"

She couldn't remember. All she could think about was him standing in front of her and how mad he was making her.

"But nothing, Mer. You're afraid. You're afraid of this, you're afraid—"

"No Derek, _you're_ afraid. You're afraid of being alone. You were married for _eleven_ years, and after Addison cheated on you, you found me, and you were _so_ hell bent on getting me to go out with you—"

"Meredith—"

"Derek, just shut up for a minute!"

"Okay."

"What?"

"Okay. I'll shut up."

Now this, this took her by surprise. She was so shocked that she didn't say anything. She hadn't actually thought of anything else to say.

"Mer?"

"Derek, just… just stop. Stop everything. Stop talking to me, stop loving me, just… stop."

"I can't."

"Yes you can, because you don't really love me."

"I do."

"No you don't! You don't even know what love is. How could you possibly love me if you don't know what it is?"

The tears she was trying so hard to not let fall were starting to slide down her cheeks. He reached out and cupped her cheek with his hand, letting the tears stain it. She looked at him and pulled his hand away.

"Just… stop…… please…"

She turned around and left, leaving Derek alone in the stairwell, leaving him in complete silence except the sound of the door closing behind her.

_You don't even know what love is._

He sank down onto the steps beneath him and cradled his head in his hands.

_Love is you Meredith.

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**Reviews make me smile. :D!**


	2. And All Of The People

"Well, Meredith, you did tell him to stop talking to you."

Izzie pulled off her scrub shirt and slipped on a white tank top while Meredith sat on the floor against the lockers, pulling at a string on her scrub pants.

"But when has he ever stopped doing something just because I told him to?"

"If you want to talk to him so bad, just go find him."

"I don't want to—"

"Yes Meredith, yes you do. All week you have. Whenever you haven't had your dose of McDreamy, you're really whiney and depressed. And I know you've been climbing into George's bed every night this week."

"I have not!"

"Yes you have! Don't even try to deny it. I see you walking past my door to get there."

Well Izzie had her there. But she couldn't help it if she couldn't sleep. And George would always let her lay next to her, one night talking to her for hours, another night running his fingers through her hair, telling her how she didn't need Shepherd.

But he was wrong.

She did need Shepherd.

"I just don't understand why you don't just go talk to him."

"I don't want to talk to him."

"Whatever Meredith, you know you do."

Izzie pulled her bag out from her locker and shut it.

"When you realize that you do, he said he was going to get a coffee after his craniotomy. You might want to check there first. I'll see you at home."

She left and Meredith stayed on the floor, tilting her head back and letting it hit the cool metal of the lockers.

_I don't want to talk to him._

She finally stood up and opened her locker, and when she did, something white fluttered to the ground, but she didn't notice it. It was only once she gotten dressed and slammed her locker shut that she saw it.

_Love is going home after a 36 hour shift. Sweet dreams Mer._


	3. With Nothing To Do

"George?"

Meredith was drunk.

"George?"

"Hm?"

"George, can I come in?"

From where she was standing, she saw him sit up in his bed and blearily look at her.

"Meredith?"

"Can I?"

"Yeah."

She slipped out of her leopard flats, the ones that she usually never wore because they were uncomfortable, and dropped her bag and her jacket on the floor before climbing into bed next to him.

"He wrote me a note."

George turned over to look at her. He could smell the tequila, and he knew she had gone to Joe's, and he knew she was talking about Shepherd.

"What did it say?"

She pulled the note from her back pocket and handed it to him. _Love is going home after a 36 hour shift. Sweet dreams Mer._ He handed it back and she put it back in her pocket.

"He hasn't talked to me for a week, but he gave me that."

"When did he give it to you?"

"It was in my locker."

He knew that of course, because he'd been in the locker room when Shepherd had come in and put it there. But he didn't know he was leaving her a note. He hadn't known what he was doing at the time.

"I don't want to talk to him."

She was starting to break down now, her voice was getting quieter, and he knew what came next. This was now the seventh night she'd been in here.

"I don't want to."

"You don't have to."

"Izzie says I should."

"Izzie doesn't know."

"She does."

Her voice was just a whisper and it was shaky. When he looked at her, he saw the tears in her eyes and he knew it was just a matter of seconds before they fell.

"Mer, you don't have to listen to Izzie."

He saw the first one fall, right off her cheek and onto his pillow, staining the white fabric wet. But he didn't care about the pillow. He cared about Meredith. He didn't know what to say to her, but he did care about her.

"I just… I just want to… forget about… him."

She wrapped her tiny arms around him and moved herself so she was up against him and her head was laying on his chest. He could feel her teardrops on his shirt, but he didn't say anything. He just let her cry, and he stayed awake until she stopped. It was only once she'd fallen asleep that he did too.


	4. Nothing To Prove

_Love is not cold pizza or leftover grilled cheese._

The second note she found taped to a bag with a banana nut muffin in it. It was inside her locker again, and she wondered what time he got here. The only reason she was here at the ungodly hour of 4:30am was because of pre-rounds.

"What do you have that you're not sharing, Grey?"

Alex took the muffin out of her hand and ate half of it in one bite. She just stared at him.

"What? Do I have crumbs on my mouth?"

He did, but she didn't say so. She didn't say anything. She opened her mouth twice to start to say something about him taking her muffin, but both times, she shut it without saying anything.

"You look like a fish."

"And you look like an ass."

She shut her locker and wrapped her stethoscope around her neck while he polished off the last half of her muffin.

"Seriously Grey, you were looking at the muffin like it was something evil."

"You mean like you?"

"I thought I was an ass, not evil."

"You're both."

"Yeah he is."

Izzie had finished changing into her scrubs and was walking over as she interrupted their conversation.

"Well at least you and Yang aren't the only ones breaking relationship rules around here."

He was talking to Meredith, but his eyes were on Izzie.

"I'm not breaking any rules. I have a vet."

"A McVet to go along with your McDreamy?"

"Are you jealous we don't call you Mc Evil Spawn?"

"Well if everyone's getting a Mc name, you can't leave me out. And you can't forget Izzie. But what would hers be? McModel? Mc In Love With A Dead Guy?"

"He's not dead."

Izzie interrupted again.

"Might as well be."

"Shut up Alex."

Meredith just watched them.

"What's going to happen when his batteries run out Izzie? What about then? What will you do to save your precious heart patient then?"

"Alex—"

"Just be sure you have plenty of double A's with you. I hear Energizer's work best."

"What part of shut up don't you understand?"

"What part of this guy is going to die don't _you_ understand?"

Izzie glared at him for a few moments before turning around and leaving the locker room. Alex pulled his jacket on and slammed his locker shut.

"You know—"

"Grey, I don't need your advice."

"I wasn't—"

"I want you all out in the hallway for pre-rounds. Now, people!"

Bailey was standing in the doorway, and the interns still left in the room were now heading towards her to leave. She stepped out of the way but before Meredith left, she grabbed her arm.

"Shepherd requested you."

She handed her a file before leaving to give the rest of her interns their assignments. Meredith flipped it open and sighed.

_Love is those little glances over the operating table. See you in the OR._

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**I'll try to finish the next couple of chapters soon! Schools almost over, so I've got finals and such coming up soon. :D Tell me what you think so far though.. I wrote these past 4 chapters all at once, so I need feedback on the whole story:D**


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